Random Thoughts

Savoring The Moments…

living

(This is an edited repost from an Ezine Article that I wrote in 2014)

I have always dreamed of becoming a writer, having a great relationship with my husband, being completely present in the lives of my children, and having complete faith and trust in God. However, for most of my life, I have allowed myself to become plagued by fear and anxiety, leading me to avoid many of the things I wanted and settle for some things I didn’t want. I was so afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone that I failed to go after those things my heart truly desired. I suffered from knowing who I really was, what I really wanted, and what I was capable of accomplishing. One day I had an epiphany.  My life was passing me by, and f I were to leave this world at that moment, what would ‘they’ say about me?  Who’s life had I touched? What experiences did I share? What had I accomplished? I searched my heart and I came to realize that I had not been present in any memorable moments.

One of my sisters had asked me on several occasions about events in my life that she remembered being a part of and I could only vaguely recall those times. How could she remember moments that should have been important to me in my life when I could not? I knew I was there but all of the important details were like faded words on a chalkboard. I had been mechanically living from day to day, but not savoring any of the moments.  When at work, I could not wait for vacation. While on vacations, I worried about things that I needed to do at home. When I found myself being swamped at work, I found myself just wishing I had time to just relax at home. The problem was, I had no idea what it looked like to relax. I worried about the past and I worried about the future while the present was passing me by. It was time for me to learn how to savor the moment and learn how to live life on purpose.

Through self-reflection, I began to realize that even though I was not even aware of it, I had made some strides in my life. The problem was that I was so busy thinking about what future things I needed to do, and past things I should have done, that I allowed my present moments to just slip right through my fingers. And many times, those future things that I worried so much about, never materialized for many reasons, and the things of the past, well, there was nothing that I could do about that. I had no written goals, I just had wished. I read somewhere once that a goal not written is just a wish, and I had just been wishing my life away.

I started writing down goals in a little green notebook. I wrote not only career goals but personal goals, making sure I included some fun goals. I found if I just allowed myself, I could actually enjoy the times spent with family on vacations, with friends, or just some time alone. I started enjoying my time in the kitchen experiencing new recipes. I found that I still enjoyed reading and writing in my journal. I dug into my storage box and found my old journals and began to write one of those novels that I had told myself that I would write… someday. I completed my first novel “Broken Promises”,  and published it in 2012.  I  now enjoy writing blogs, newsletters,  poems, and creating new recipes. I find reasons to laugh, time to travel, time spent with family and friends, and time enjoying nature. I even enjoy camping! I have become so AWARE of all the things and places that I enjoy and the many things that I am capable of accomplishing. I made a decision to set goals to retire in January 2015 and work for myself from home. (I actually did it in 2016!)

I love finding quiet places to read, write, sing, listen to music, do creative DIY and culinary projects as well as gardening. These activities really give me a sense of peace and calmness and create smiles on my face and joy in my heart. I love being completely absorbed in the moment, savoring the enjoyment of it all. I always look forward to exploring something new.   My soul is nourished and I can transcend the limits I had allowed other people as well as myself to place on me. My goal in life now is to savor each moment and live my life on purpose.

Random Thoughts

Personal Faith

My mother was a praying woman. We would find her praying in the morning, in the evening, and always  whenever we left the house to travel whenever we were faced with trials in our lives. She even prayed  when we told her about some triumphant moments that occurred in our lives.  We knew that no matter what,  our prayer lives were covered and we felt safe because our mother prayed for us.  Recently I read somewhere that ‘Faith is like a toothbrush:  use it every day but don’t use someone else’s.”  John Mason

We depended on those prayers of our mother and when she died we were in a panic because we were thinking about ‘who did we have to pray for us now?‘  Many of us based our faith on what our mom believed instead of having that faith in God for ourselves. We had to quickly learn that faith  works  when we believe.  It’s kind of like allowing someone else to eat something and tell us how good it was. We can take their word for it that it is good,  but unless we taste it too, we will never really know just how good it really was.

The Bible says, ‘Oh taste and see for it is so good!’ God can certainly use other people to  reach out to us and lead us to Him,  but we must believe in Him because we have been convicted in our own hearts that He is who He is.  He wants to have a personal relationship with us.

We had to learn how to pray for ourselves and for each other.  As the oldest sibling,  I promised my siblings that I would hold us together and do whatever I needed to do to keep us together.  I had to learn how to have that vertical relationship with Christ in order to stand in the gap just like my mother did all through the years.  I find that I am in constant prayer and I am praying even now as I am writing this article because there are issues that I need Him to handle.  I have found that all of us have developed a stronger prayer life and we learned that from our mother.  We have found that it keeps our bond strong.  It does not mean that we never have issues by no means.  But it does mean that when problems arise we know that there is a God that is bigger than us who can handle our problems.