Monthly Archives: March 2013

Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark

28 Thursday Mar 2013

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   I  remember during one of the darkest times in my life when I was faced with disillusionment, hurt, fear and confusion in my second marriage, I found more strength in the end than I ever thought possible.  My world had come crashing down around me and the love and trust  that I had thought I had found had disappeared into the night as magically as if they were cards played in a magicians hand. The loving husband had turned out to be a big time drug dealer and had been arrested and sent to jail.   I felt lost and alone, afraid of my own shadow in that great big house with just me and my teenaged daughter to care for.  Yet because of her I had to show strength…’fake it till you make it’.  Rather than focus on what I had lost, I began to realize that the obstacles that lay before me were sent to make me stronger and I refused to allow myself to be defeated.  Although I felt as if I really wanted to just lay down and die from the pain in my heart, I had a bigger reason to keep on going…to keep on fighting my way back to myself…and that was my daughter.  I had to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart, my dreams of a happy family, and my life, and think about what to do next. I prayed.

The events that followed were as a game of dominoes as they fell into place for us so much better than I could ever have planned for myself. I remember telling myself, “I can’t wait until next year.”  I felt that if I could just see next year I knew I would have survived that dark time.  As Louisa May Alcott said, ” I am not afraid of the storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”  The situation that I found myself in could have left me as devastated as I was feeling a great part of the time that I muddled through that period.  However, deep in my heart I knew that in life if we become devastated by our circumstances, we become prisoners to those circumstances; but if we learn from them they would make us wiser in the end.  In that dark time of my life, yes, I was afraid, but I remembered the passage from my Bible that said, “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil.”  I kept repeating that passage.  The other was, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers them out of them all.”  Those passages, and the love and support of my family got me through those dark days and on to my new start. I eventually wrote a book, Broken Promises that actually was better than therapy.

Looking back on those dark, fearful days, let me share with you what I have learned:

1. I don’t allow my problems to lead me, I take lead of my problems.  I look at them as an opportunity to see what my capabilities are and I have found that I am a phenomenal woman!

2.  My attitude has a great deal to do with how I handle my problems.  I can handle them with fear because I think I have to handle them alone, or I can face them with boldness because I know I am not alone… God has my back.  There is a song by Jackie Velasquez that I love, When I’m on my Knees that says…

“There are days when I feel
The best of me is ready to begin.
Then there’re days when I feel
I’m letting go and soaring on the wind.
Cause I’ve learned in laughter or in pain
How to survive.

I get on my knees, I get on my knees;
There I am before the love that changes me.
See I don’t know how, but there’s power
When I’m on my knees.”

3.  I have learned to never say that ‘life is hard.’  When you think about  the alternative, I prefer to face life head on because I can never run fast enough or far enough to get away from the problems that may come.  I know that I am a champion. The breakfast of champions is strengthened by obstacles, not  a cereal. Champions are not afraid of the dark.

Dare To Be Who You Are

17 Sunday Mar 2013

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   There are many people who live their lives in the shadow of other people.  They are challenged everyday because they don’t know who they are.  As I grow older I find that the easiest thing to do is to just be myself because I find it difficult trying to be what other people want me to be.  There is nothing in life more tiring than trying to live up to someone else’s conforms.  I have missed out on many opportunities by living on other people’s terms and it left me frustrated and unhappy.

Many of our challenges in this world come from not knowing who we are and ignoring our true destinies.  When we walk in the footsteps of others we fail to leave our own footprints.  We end up living our entire life as strangers even to ourselves because we have no idea who the hell we are.  We look in the mirror  and wonder who is that person looking back at us. We have imitated others so long  that we are merely copies of those we have come to admire.  We can never accomplish our own greatness if we continue to imitate someone else.  We have to dare to be ourselves.

I remember in my younger years when I was married to my first husband, he was a part of army reserves and I really desired to become a part as well.  I knew the benefits were awesome and I wanted to experience the travel, the training and the benefit of the education opportunity they offered.  He told me that he didn’t think it would be a good idea because all the women that were in the army reserves were either ‘whores or lesbians’.  I was shocked but didn’t argue the point because I certainly didn’t want to be labeled a whore or a lesbian.  So I remained in the capacity of a housewife which is what he wanted me to be until he said it was okay for me to continue my education.  I accepted his opinion and never questioned it because I had no opinion of my own; which is sad because “a person who has no opinion and only depend on someone else is just a slave to that someone else.” (Frederick Klopstock)

I was a sad sack because I even used to depend on so-called friends to determine what I was to wear and how I was to dress.  Deep down inside I knew what I wanted but I didn’t want to go against the opinions of those who I thought I needed the approval of.  I had began to whittle myself down in order to please everyone else until I had almost nothing left for me. Somehow I  learned to know who I was and not care what other people thought of who I was.    Yes, it took courage because otherwise I would have  had fear and fear leads to conforming to what others wanted me to do. I just had to be who I was and being who I was became the best thing that I could do to become a better me.  I had to realize that I was the only one who could dare to be me.  Until I made peace with myself, however, I could never be content to be who I really was.

I only had one life to live and I needed to learn how to leave my own footprints in the sand.  So I took the dare, and I dared to be who God meant for me to be.  It has been a journey in spite of many obstacles in my way.  However, each day I have challenged myself over and over again that I have to Dare to be who I am.  Dare to be who you are. You are the only one who can be the best you.

Life Is Too Short To Think Small Thoughts

05 Tuesday Mar 2013

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  My Mother and father always told us to never be afraid to think big.  In fact, although there were eight children, we never considered ourselves poor in the real sense of the word ‘poor’.  I realize that growing up there were people who looked down on our family because they viewed us as ‘those Powell’s’ because all they could see was a bunch of kids that they thought lacked something.  However, we lacked nothing because we always had food on the table, a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, two parents who loved us beyond measure, and we had each other.  What more could you ask for?

 

Our parents always  challenged us to believe in ourselves and to know that our first responsibility in life was to mentally advance our thoughts.  We were taught that if we got our relationship together with God and cultivate our faith in Him, our lives could improve beyond measure.  We get in life what we think we deserve and if we think we deserve little things we will get little things.  However, if we think big, the results will astound us.

 

I know that it can be difficult to believe that good things can come so easy. Sometimes even I allow my faith to wane.  However, I believe its all about attitude and there are times we attract what we think about. There are times when I have wished for something and I didn’t get it and I wondered why. In being honest with myself, I realized it was because I had buried some negative thoughts deep down inside of me that prevented me from accomplishing my desires.  I had to come to the realization that I had to acknowledge and let go of all of those negative resistances so that I could accept those things that I desired in my life.  I was sabotaging my own desires.  I was thinking small.  I was feeling as if I didn’t deserve those things that I was asking for but I didn’t realize that those were the thoughts that I was thinking!

 

There is a young lady who calls me sometimes and asks me for advice.  However, she constantly says things like “There are no good black men available.”  Or she might say “I don’t think I will ever find a husband.”  Another thing she says is “Men are no good!”  And she wonders why she is still  single and alone.  I told her that these thoughts are destructive and they produce negative results.  She is a beautiful young lady and I know that men find her attractive because she gets asked out on dates; however, when she goes on a date she always finds something wrong with her date no matter what.  Something in her past is sabotaging her thought processes to the point where she is unable to meet people where they are and move forward.  Something from her past has her locked and loaded where she is punishing every male she meets for the sins of whoever hurt her in her past.  These thoughts can be discovered only if she allows her mind to be opened and willing to let go of the resistance.  There is someone waiting for her.  When her heart is ready, her lover will be there waiting with open arms.  She just has to think big, let go of the small thoughts, be open for the blessings that God has for her, and know that she deserves to be loved in spite of what happened in her past.

 

We also posses all the mental wealth that we ever need for a prosperous life.  There are no negative circumstances that can keep us imprisoned if we are determined to be free.  When I lived in Indiana I had a salon and I met a woman who was married and I believe at that time she had three children.  She, her husband and her son started going business to business selling cookies.  She would send her son every week  and everyone would always say a resounding “NO!”  However, he just kept coming. He had his mother’s determination but not her enthusiasm.  Statistics show that communication is forty percent verbal and sixty percent nonverbal.  It’s all about attitude.    One day I bought a bag of  cookies because I felt sorry for him,  but I told him he needed to get excited about his own product.  When I tasted them I was amazed at how delicious they were and I told the whole salon. The next day when he came in he had a different attitude and he sold all of his cookies.  After that day if he didn’t come people would ask where he was.  By changing his attitude, he changed his story.  Over the years I wondered what happened to them and went online and did a search.  I spoke to her and was so excited to learn that they are still in business and are now in a brick and mortar bakery. She said that her trust in God has kept them going through tough times and she wholeheartedly believes that her attitude has a lot to do with how her business has survived.  Today instead of going door to door, they are now a full=fledged baker, Heaven Sent Bakery & Catering. She didn’t think small thoughts because she knew that she was capable of lofty levels of prosperity by the grace of God, and now also has added catering to the mix.

Life is much too short to think small thoughts and we get in life what we think we deserve.  If we think small, we get small, if we think big, the results can astound us.  What do you think you deserve?